Life can be hard

Light before darkness

And things you found on the surface
Go under

Friendships to go

Lovers grow older

& People making excuses
of what’s gone mad

U’ll find another way
U don’t have to be alone

Let’s do it together

Rivers run dry
Tears that wont cry

& Pleasures u can count on
Turn to dust

Governments lie
Politicians tire me

and nothing on my t.v. is getting any better

This time will not be the same

I’ll be with you, Let’s do it together.

Current Mood: Happy

You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul
You’ll be my breath should i grow old
You are my lover, you’re my best friend
You’re in my soul

My love for you is immeasurable
My respect for you immense
You’re ageless, timeless, lace and fineness
You’re beauty and elegance

You’re a rhapsody, a comedy
You’re a symphony and a play
You’re every love song ever written

They say memories are golden
Well, maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried,

If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place
No one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
And heartache made a lane.

I’d walk the path to find you
And bring you back again.

My heart strings are broken
And nothing seems the same.

But I know in my heart,
We will meet again.

For my beautiful cat Keanu who sadly and suddenly passed away Tuesday 3rd Feb 2009.
Rest in Peace my Boy!
I Love you Forever.

Only extreme emotions are the
measurement of our life passions
lived and yearned for , gained or lost
times recalled by the stroke of a hand,
a deep sign or a sob that saturates the heart so that it swells,
has sovereignty over the body and threatens to explode.

Anything less will never do.

If love wants you passionately you will recognise it
a single word that says so much more than chemistry
You will find it in the reflection that catches you smiling.

Anything less will never do.

I have seemingly been experiencing frequent bouts of de-javu’s if you can call it that for almost a year and a half now. It started just after the death of one of my close friends. At first I dismissed it as your typical de-ja-vu, but this is something a whole lot different.

I have a memory, an actual memory of something I did lets say a week ago or month ago and the actual experience repeats itself, sounds crazy I know, but this is exactly how it happens. I even before the event starts unfolding itself in front of me, say things out loud that I remember happened and people look at me baffled wondering as to how I knew what was going to happen next. Just as in the movie ‘Groundhog Day, when Bill Murray is sitting in one of the coffee shops busy explaining to Andie McDowell that her cameraman is going to come in the next 10 secs and whisk her away.

At first it was very unsettling and fearful for me, but as time has gone on, I have become quite accustomed to these bouts of feeling like I am part of this funny movie. A psychic I went to see told me that this is in fact a seventh sense of some sort, where I am able to see the future, but in a different way. Me, being the skeptic I am, thought that this was absolute tripe, until a very close friend of the family also being psychic told me the same thing.

She said that all this is just confirmation (messages) that I have this wonderful gift to reach into the future and take out select sections, store the experience in my mind and recall it when the event actually takes place.

It might seem insignificant little pathetic things, that have no relevance to my current situation (like the chimes) but the cosmic world works in baffling ways. What we perceive as being all important and life altering never seems to materialize at that precise moment. As time moves on the important issue we thought it was actually becomes less mind blowing as new issues take their place. Somehow the trivial issues take precedent with the cosmic way of dealing with things. I have never figured that one out and I don’t know anyone who has.

For example: my future experiences are of little “stupid” things, but I would prefer if they were of things like - the lottery numbers. However, maybe the powers that be don’t give me these types of experiences because it may alter my life route so hugely that my path is changed in a different direction.

She also mentioned that nothing gets given to a person for a sinister or dark reason. I can almost see the future but it is “after the fact” so that it can warn me maybe and cushion me from the hurt. I cannot change what is going to happen but my gift makes it easier to cope with, be the future good or a little bad. Like knowing someone is dead before they are, the person is still going to die but I have a little knowledge of it upfront so the shock isn’t as bad for me. Or someone is having a baby, same thing, although its not so much shock as anticipation.

Anyway I have been doing some research into this and have come up with other scientific explanations, which I will unravel at a later stage. For now I am enjoying the notion that I am very unique and hopefully one day can learn to use this “gift” and maybe help others.

The few weeks events that has occurred in South Africa leaves me disillusioned, appalled and in a newly state of macabre emotions. What was once described as a ‘Sunny South Africa’ is now adverbily described as the dark and gloomy cloud which hangs above us all. The rain falling down from this dark cloud are the tears we all feel for those that have been so greatly affected by what is known as ‘Xenophobia’

The violent and inexcusable actions of those that are not deemed to be called human have shocked us all, not to mention our own President who blatantly turns a blind eye. Holding hands with a tyrant and more concerned of what is happening in neighbouring countries, than on own his own doorstep.

I sometimes think of the French Revolution and how Marie Antoinette was eventually beheaded, because of all the wrongs she had committed to her country. Bring back the Revolution and let us rid ourselves of these corrupt individuals who seem to cause more mayhem than anything else. But again, why lower ourselves to their level of existence.

How our President said that there is no crisis when there is in fact a titantic of a crisis in Zimbabwe baffles me to no end. Step down from your post, if u are unable to follow through. More so pull your finger out your arse and do something good for a change.

Current Mood: Angry

I woke this morning thinking of revenge. Not the tit for tat kind of revenge, but the kind of ‘Deathproof’ Quentin Tarantino revenge. Where the object of my newly found affection is placed in a deathproof vehicle and I the driver/stunt lady drive the car off a cliff. My side of the car is of course not affected, because it’s made that way. However this particular person is so fucked up beyond recognition that I am smiling. Then I think again, why do I allow this person who is not worthy of a single thought, not even a fart, affect me this way? I will rise up above this piece of shit and cast my emotions aside, because I know now that I don’t have to waste a single minute any longer pretending to be nice anymore.

The crazy thing is people behave in such different ways aligned with different circumstances, that you can never say how someone will behave for sure….we are such complicated creatures, as much as we think we know someone, we are animals. Animals behave unpredictably, especially the human kind, who have both complicated emotions and mind and still have raw animal instinct which can over ride the mind.

So many things can lead to people letting you down….one of them that comes to mind is Jealousy, which turns a lot of people to backstabbing.

But when a person is trying so hard to tarnish a persons reputation it is a very bitter pill to swallow, especially when this person has pretended to be your friend. I never did fully trust or like this person so it is not difficult to rid this person from my life for good.

The best thing for me to do is not let myself be affected by this persons own demons and issues and rise above, rise above so high and float away. Gone. this person does not even exist in my mind, thoughts, life, being anymore.

I am so disenchanted with the ramifications of this unsettling set of symptoms I am now experiencing on a weekly even daily basis. At first I dismissed it as stress, maybe even anxiety related, but now it just seems to have crept into my life very real and there, where I feel I have no control whatsoever. I feel completely helpless, like a child whose fallen into a well and am shouting from down below, only to hear my own echoes shouting back at me.

Could these symptoms have manifested through my thoughts and fears I have had throughout my life? Have I brought this upon myself? I am just tired of feeling uncertain and would like results for once. It started with me getting a kind of migraine that affects my vision in such a way that I can only see part of some things,not the whole picture. Visual disturbances of some sort, but the migraine is sometimes without pain and sometimes the pain follows after. It lasts around 20 to 30 minutes and then I regain my full vision again. It is rather unsettling though, as I cannot understand what brings this on exactly.

Then recently I have been experiencing dizziness and a feeling of faintness also quite frequently. I eventually decided to go to a GP/Homeopath and she told me that I could very well be suffering from a low blood sugar related illness by the name of Hypoglycemia. We did the necessary blood tests, which came back perfectly normal. The symptoms however persisted to a point where I find myself daily consumed and obsessed with reading all about the ins and outs of hypoglycemia on the net. Then I read that apparently there are two types and the one is basically difficult to detect and that one is called reactive hypoglycemia. So now where does this leave me? Once again in the dark, at the bottom of the well shouting and screaming for air.

Okay maybe I’m being a tad melodramatic, but it’s plain torture when your life is now hampered and limited to only so much to do without being plagued by these debilitating symptoms. I try and find the humor by telling myself that maybe I’m just being a Hypochondriac instead of Hypoglycemic. Doctors are also just so helpful and seem to know so much and I say this with the utmost sarcasm I can fester. Low blood pressure to hypo whatever to blah blah blah. My husband is sitting next to me watching all the upcoming attractions for this valentines and feigning narcolepsy. He’s not much of a romantic, anyway I say this because he could be putting his good energy into helping me diagnose this problem I seem to have. Again the dribel of crap seems to keep running out my head and onto this blog.

All I ask is for straight clear cut answers and I think the only way forward now is to go put that medical aid to good use and go do all the necessary neurological tests. These ocular migraines don’t just come out of nowhere, even though I feel like I’m Alice in Wonderland on some kind of acid trip. Before I put all my readers on a narcolepsy trip, I will now stop feeling sorry for myself and pull myself towards myself.

LOL.

Well another year shoo shoo fly and new beginnings, or old habits which are in desperate need to be kicked right out that front door. As for trying to start the year off with a positive and good attitude, I’m finding it rather difficult to shed some light on South Africa’s interrupting and friggin’ annoying problem. It’s the fact that there is no light/electricity at certain times during the day on a weekly ongoing basis. Load-shedding, whatever excuse Eskom has for this daily interruption is pathetic.

I mean how does a person cope? While I’m heavily into my face-book, loading applications, quizzing away only to be cut off again. Or while watching an all amazing episode of ‘Boston Legal’ and just as it’s getting interesting ‘poof’ off go the lights. I feel like knocking someone ‘lights out’ I tell you. I am almost certain Business owners are fuming and foaming at the mouths at the amount of business lost due to the load of crap Eskom keeps feeding us. Load shedding? more like Load of Crap! Let’s shed a load on Eskom is what I say.

Well hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel will finally emerge and all this ‘third world’ country shit comes to an end. Fuck this year has to be 2000 and Gr8!

Hi ho hi ho it’s off on Holiday I go! yip yip hooray! With ocean breeze and lots of green trees and sandy beaches and lots of sex from hubby! Perhaps I will get back all knocked up and ready for bambino life. Hell no! what am I saying, rewind, lol.

I am soooo looking forward to this vacation and hopefully will come back fully recharged and hence my writers block lifted.

To all a safe journey and a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!