As an old African Proverb goes: “Indecision is like a stepchild: If he does not wash his hands, he is called dirty, if he does, he is wasting water.”

I just cant seem to make my mind up today on what I should and shouldnt do. Ive been running over and over again on what to, or what not to do. Why does this indecision prevail? Can the truth not rear its ugly head and help me with the answers that i so desperately need.

‘GOT A PICTURE OF U, I CARRY IN MY HEART,
CLOSE MY EYES TO SEE IT, WHEN THE NIGHT GETS DARK,

GOT A MEMORY OF U, I CARRY IN MY SOUL,
WRAP IT CLOSE AROUND ME, WHEN THE NIGHT GETS COLD’

‘Whatever is past is past, so do not sit
in judgement upon it.

Whatever is in the future is not here yet,
so do not direct your hopes and longings
towards it.’

HUI HAI
Chinese Ch’an/Zen Master, 720-814

‘Woke up this morning with a funny feeling.
Not sure what it’s all about,
Felt like I was disappearing,
Ran to the mirror to check it out,
Said: Here I Am, Here I Am,
But why do I feel like the Invisible Man?’

How convenient to wake up this morning with that song playing repetively in my head. I can relate to the words, since I do feel as though I’m fading away. Not literally, but in the sense that I’m not sure where my future is heading. Things seem so unpredictable these days, I need to gain momentum.

Let’s hope I wake up to a different tune tomorrow

I feel as though my body has become a prison, with metamorphosed bones serving as the bars of a cell, bars holding me captive from within. 2006 I want to annihilate those ‘bars,’ break free and get in touch with my deeper feelings. My only hope, it’s an experience I can look forward to. I have come to realise that the world is a masquerade, with many people hiding behind a mask, afraid to show who they really are. I’m basically writing about myself and there I go again hiding behind a generalisation. I want to make a lot of changes in the forth coming year. First change will begin with ME: I want to experience changes in the outer world, so I need to experience them in my inner world first.I show different facets of my personality to different people, as I’m sure most of us do, however I want to find the part of me that I like best, the one that can be firm and decisive. That trait can carry me through and assist me in making the right choices in eliminating all the negative people and situations in my life.So I have made the decision to let those parts of myself that have been repressed or shamed out of the closet. The hiddent parts of ourselves what Jung referred to as “Shadow.” I need to face my “Shadow Stuff.”