I don’t know whether blame should be placed on hormones or if it’s just that some are born with the ‘Joan Collins’ Silver Spoon of Bitchiness. Those pretentious false boobed bitches who think their farts don’t stink and that anyone not wearing Guess or any other label are just beneath them.

Headed off to Capellos yesterday late afternoon for a few sundowners with my cuz. We were happily chatting and guzzling our strawberry daquiris at the bar when some blonde bitch bit on the plumpish side pushes my cousin into oblivion. Barely gaining her balance, my cousin angrily retorts by saying ‘Do you Mind!’ With this “Fat Actress” replies, “Do you have a Problem?”

Cousin: “Hell yes! you just pushed me that I fell almost into the next guy”.

Fat Actress: “Well I need to order a Drink!”

Cousin: “Well then say excuse me, i’d like to get a drink please!”

Fat Actress: mumbles something under her breath

Cousin: “Maybe u need to lose some weight and then u could easily get passed people.”

Fat Actress: “U Can’t Change Ur Face”

Cousin: “Why would I want to” (my cousin is by no means ugly)

Then the defamatory comments subside somewhat, we order more drinks and continue talking. I then loudily mention why cant people just have manners and not be so highly strung.

To This ‘Miss Piggy” again opens her big FAT mouth to say she’s a psychologist and do we need her card

Me: LOL If u r a psychologist, I feel extremely sorry for your patients, because clearly you are the one who has serious issues.

Fat Actress: To my cousin, you need collagen on ur lips

Cousin: “u Need Lipo”

Next thing I know both my cousin and I are standing drenched in red wine, dripping off our faces, The unstable fat beeeach threw wine in our faces. Classic movie scene, cousin burns her with cigarette and her hair somewhat catches alight. Being centre stage with everyone watching, we began laughing hysterically from the mere sight of eachother. Our red stained faces and hair, but eventhough it was a tad embarrassing, we showed everyone what good sports we were while the insecure beeeach went down in flames, literally. Okay, her hair sizzled in a flame.

Needless to say we carried on partying and enjoyed ourselves to no end, smelling like a brewery no doubt. while the bad mannered instigator went home with singed hair and a singed ego. Did she deserve the blatant truth being thrown her way, hell yes! In fact I think it’s the best therapy she will ever get to maybe lose a few pounds.