I have been crying my eyes out since yesterday, the shock, disbelief, overwhelming sadness just cannot seem to shake off.  My best friend Hayley passed away on Saturday, leaving two daughters and her life partner behind, as well as her beloved family and friends.

How does someone get over such a tragic loss of such a gentle, loving, soft hearted, always happy person who brought such joy and love into our loves.  For every person that knew Hayley, knew that she touched them in a special and enduring way.

It is so difficult to let go of those you love and I do not even know where the healing begins.  I am devastated and just pray for Mark, Jude, Dakota and Hayley’s family for their loss.  I so sometimes feel the need to pick up the phone and phone her or send her an sms, only to realise I will never be able to do that again.  To hear her cute laugh, wise words of advice, ever so helpful and kind nature, I will miss you Hayles.

You are forever in my heart and in my mind, I will never forget you.  I will keep you close, your spirit will be in all of our memories.

I have Dedicated this to Hayley:

The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesnt interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.  It doesnt interest me how old you are.  I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesnt interest me what planets are squaring your moon.  I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you haved opened to life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.  I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own.  If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or remember the limitations of being human.

It doesnt interest me if the story you are telling me is true.  I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.  If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.  I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day and if you can source your life from God’s presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “YES!”

It doesnt interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.  I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.  It doesnt interest me who you are: how you came to be here.  I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.  It doesnt interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.  I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company.’

And with that lastly said, Hayles you have lived your life with the greatest of integrity and for that I admire you greatly.

Love Your B.F. Tashxx