Hi ho hi ho it’s off on Holiday I go! yip yip hooray! With ocean breeze and lots of green trees and sandy beaches and lots of sex from hubby! Perhaps I will get back all knocked up and ready for bambino life. Hell no! what am I saying, rewind, lol.

I am soooo looking forward to this vacation and hopefully will come back fully recharged and hence my writers block lifted.

To all a safe journey and a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It takes a breakdown to have a real breakthrough. As simple as it may seem, but when you try and do what you say, this is when the real test comes (If you gonna run with wild dogs, don’t piss like a puppy). One person inspired us to keep our word even though all did not want to attend here, we are under the same roof being 100% authentic. You just feel what you want, you just be what you wanna.

To be 100% authentic, not even that, to be real. The first step, acknowledge that this will take work and commitment, learning every detail about myself from different angles, internal and external. Some are good, some are bad, some are big and some are small, but I am grateful to at least know they are there.

Some live their whole lives not knowing, looking at all of those cards laid out (the only commitment I have made to myself is to have passionate fun). Some I like, some I resist, some I want to keep and some I want to get rid of (Keep pushing on, things are gonna get better, it wont take long, keep on moving to the tap)

How I got to look at these cards is by listening to what people see, by people who love and care for me; and to just get here, I have to kill IT. It is almost dead and only locked up, if I kill it, I am killing me. It is backing down, submitting, cowering in the dark. Now I am looking at me and I’m beautiful, with a light shining from my heart, bright white light like the sunrise. And as I am looking at myself, I’m feeling comfortable, a bit uneasy, as this is my first real look, as I look and see.

In Dedication of Hayley Magurno

I need to put myself on the map again, I have deserted my fellow bloggers for almost 3 months now! And in turn, my loyal readers have deserted me.

So much has been going on, life for me is the ever changing kaleidoscope. Full of colours, shapes and forms, textures and all the rest. I have been temping and have met some really fab people from my last assignment. Got to go watch the rugby between the Sharks and the Blou Bulls, a whole team of us drove down by bus. Had an absolute blast! Must upload the pics, had an amazing time, was an experience for me, as I have never gone to watch rugby in an actual stadium, filled with loads of people, the atmosphere infectious.

Having a bit of a break now, think I’ll start gym again and next month I start my course. Make-up artistry here I come. Cant wait.

You despise my presence
on your scathed body
But I refuse to give up on you
I refuse to let you expel me from you presence

You dismiss me time and again,
Yet I refuse to leave without making my existence whole

You constantly put thorns in my path
Which causes me to pause,
To sit down and to pull them out
from my feet - one by one
And I get up and continue on the road of life

And just as I find myself making progress,
Gaining strength
Gaining rhythm
Gaining stability,
-You spread out the huge roots and branches of your trees in my path
And I trip
And I fall
But I get up again
Bruised and battered,
I get up
And I walk on
I may stumble and I may fall
But continue, I will
Your scathed emptiness you offer me
With a scoff and the hope that I will gulp it all up
And choke on it
But I refuse to accept your abuse anymore
I have decided
To stop surviving the grave and distasteful attempts at my life
And to start living!

It’s been awhile…. a long while since I’ve emerged from all the mayhem and havoc of December and Jan. It’s time to let go and start living again. You never know what challenges life dishes out and you never realize how much strength you have until you have to face and deal with the challenges. It’s all in the game of survival and making the most of our borrowed time here on earth.
Looking back on what I last wrote just shows you how from one point of my life, where I was so happy, looking forward to my bro’s wedding and it being a blast, to getting the saddest, most devastating news the very next day. In the blink of an eye, your life is different. But what I learnt from that experience, is how you deal with the circumstances through a positive perception.

I am still waiting for the photies of ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ so I can post them on my blog for ya all to see.

Anyway, it’s good to be back and I’ll soon keep you all posted on my new and happy life in 2007.

Oi! so I’m back blog readers, i’ve been a busy bee, busy on me, hee hee. Okay enough of the the rhyming shit. It’s been my sixth week since my last chocolate and non-exercise regime. I have been going to gym now for 6 weeks and I am addicted. It is amazing how easily the body adapts and I cannot begin to explain how I don’t think I will ever be able to go without it, it will be like brushing my teeth, combing my hair and playing with my vibe, ha ha.

I have been to a couple of interviews, but like I last said, that I am the one who is now being ever so cautious and selective of the job that I choose. I just have to say that a lot of these agencies as well as employers surely know how to also waste a person’s time.

I get a call two weeks ago from this woman who said she got my c.v. off the net and can I please come and see them, possibly the next day, so I agreed and got the address. The next day she phoned to say that that unfortunately the director was inundated with meetings and we would therefore have to reschedule for another time. Next day, she calls again and says can I make it early in the morning, as in now, so I rush all the way to Riverside by taxi, as Im still without a car, as I arrive we go into this big office where she starts by apologising that the director could not make it as she had to rush off to another meeting.

? Anyway, she continues interviewing me, but seems a bit detached, I ask her what the job description is and she says there is none, as the job’s duties could vary from ordering dog bones to arranging air tickes, from polishing shoes to taking minutes. Well enough was enough, I thanked her for wasting my precious time once again and told her where to stick those dog bones. Have you ever!

Another interview in Lonehill for an attorney, well it was the interview from hell, not because I was interrogated with by hard rendering questions, but because I had to endure an hour and a half of listening to some eccentric attorney talking the entire time about his horses and what cases he has dealt with, the people he fired, what they did to get fired and all he did was in fact just bitch about people. Weird, weird, weird. I could not wait to leave, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I’m far too nice, I should have just stopped him in his tracks from the get go. Sorry, u have issues cheers.

So ja, it’s all been fun and games. I guess I should just wait for this year to come to an end and then begin my random search again. I would love to hear from other people with similar job search situations. Is it me, or this country full of crack pots?

The reason why I have decided to name this particular post Memo is the fact that I am momentarily (MO) finding myself (ME) thus = MEMO. SHit and I havent even smoked any weed.
I quit my job with the seven Psychos, Dopey, Mopey, Grumpy, Slumpy, Moany, Groany and Sleezy, said my goodbyes and I cannot tell you how empowered and free I feel. What was my lesson learnt from this experience? Well I’ll answer that for you, most psychologists develop an interest in psychology and thus practice it, to delve into other people’s problems to run away from their own. They therefore are so fucked up, because they dont possess the time or energy to sort out their own issues.
I have now taken the time to work on ME for a change, started gym, eating healthful foods, reading a lot and just ’standing still’ this time around, to try understand what my real passion in this life is. I am not going to jump into the next job, just for the sake of having one, not this time anyway.

I have finally got a car, second hand Citi Golf and have started driving, so there is some sort of direction going on so far. I love my new sense of freedom and independence, cannot believe it took me this long, but I am a late bloomer.

Today I decided to walk to the gym, just for the heck of it and fell in love with a man who works for the JRA named Sipho, okay for real, I’m talking bullshit! While on my walk, I was harrassed and wolf whistled at by african men who were busy working on the road. Fuck! it grates me, I told them to all fuck off, now if they looked something along the lines of the gardener (Jesse Metcalfe) in Desperate Housewives that Gabrielle (Eva Langoria) has a love affair with, I don’t think I would’ve been that perturbed.

And on that note, I bid you all a good night.

Over and Out.

Apologies dear readers, I have seemed to neglect my blog for quite some time now.  I have been so preoccupied with so many things in my life at the moment that I have not really had the inspiration to write anything new until now.

 I once again failed my Drivers and have been battling to arrange for another test date, since the freakin’ call centre has so many technical problems and other people of sunny South Africa ailments going on.  I honestly feel as it is my last and only resort to go down the illegal way of getting it.

Currently I feel so stuck in my life and they normally say you can personify a person’s life by the vehicle which carries them through.  Well I don’t drive at all and I am beginning to wonder if that is why I feel so stagnated in all areas of my life.  That chariot is no-where to be seen.

Apart from the dormancy of my existence, my vodka binge drinking over the long weekend was the only thing that seemed to be flowing and keeping me happy for the time being.  Had another one of our famous house partys on Friday 16th Youth Day.  It was a blast, the usual crew with all the brew.  Had a mother of a hangover the next day, was Absolute Vodkly paralysed, but nevertheless still managed to crawl out of bed to attend yet another friend’s braai that evening.  Yet again, it ended debaucherously with me waking up with one hell of a bruise and scraped left knee.  I had apparently while leaving the party, tripped over the cobblestones and fell flat on my face!  My other half said I did not even notice a thing, my jeans were fashionably torn, along with fragments of my memory.

Back to the grind and the whole cycle begins again.  The wheel is turning, but the hamster is fucked.  Anywho back to the zoo.

I have been summoned to do a presentation for Coke.  Hmmm I wonder what size mirrors will be used, long or short straws.  Okay, on a more serious schnarf, erm I mean note; I have less than a week to prepare and to date this is my first.  I am a wee bit on the edgy side of things.

 I am all for public speaking do not get me wrong; especially after a few rounds of tequilas and straight vodka shots.  Friends call me the ’social-butterfly of the group, but to stand up in front of a bunch of Corporates and talk about something I have fairly a clue about is a different pickle of fish altogether.

Why my boss has selected me for this gruelling task eludes me completely.  Perhaps I should start off the Presentation with vodka scones, warm things up a bit and get everyone slightly trashed so they will not know the difference between ‘Hogwash and Hogwash.’

I feel as motivated as Bovril on a piece of dry Wheatbix and believe me I have tried this on a 10 day diet plan I once was on.  Gross.

 Moving along.. I have a far off and distant memory of once being involved in a Public Speaking Contest for my High School and even though I had a brilliant speech prepared, was normally one of the best at giving speeches in my school, I was still as nervous as a sweaty Groom on his Wedding Day. My heart pounded like a thousand drums beating around a Carnivore Ceremonial Supper. Where do I come up with this shite?

Anywho, the point I am attempting to make is how on earth am I going to survive the mental preparation of trying to explain how to work a certain programme, I am not good at teaching, demonstrating things.

What I can easily demonstrate is how to down a shot of tequila with a squeeze of lemon and a lick of salt off the hand.

HELP!

Most of my friends and relatives have become parents and when I just think of that word, I hear a screaching sound.  The sound a sexy fast paced car makes, when it halts to a stop.

 Kids, children, bambinos, little gremlins - whatever you wanna call them, for me it’s ‘Handbrake’.  I am not trying to be negative or cynical about the wonderful gift and joys of bringing a child into this “cough” wonderful world we live in, but let’s face it, it is a huge step and life changing event.

 I too,firmly believe that there should be a licence to have children, as some people are just not equipped to handle them.  It is a colossal responsibility which requires an enormous amount of patience and perseverance.

Wherever we go, parties, outings, the dead ringer of a question always seems to pop up, “So, when is it your turn?”  Well, “When I am old and in an urn.” 
I love children don’t get me wrong, I think they are cute, cuddly and wonderful, especially when you can hand them back to their parents when the crying starts and whiff of smelly nappies fills your nasal passages.

 Thing is, I do want to have a baby some day in my life, but not just right now.  I am still enjoying my youth and my freedom far too much.  I know it sounds selfish, but at least I am being honest with myself.

Why must society dictate to me when the “right” time to have a baby is.  Like, it’s better to have then when you are young, so you can enjoy your life and them more blah blah blah.
My theory is that it is better to have them when you are more mature, patient and wont resent them one day for losing your identity and freedom. The parties and jolling have to come to a halt at some point and that is when I will have the time to focus on my children and be a loving and attentive mom.

By the time my child is 20, I will be dead and buried and not be a burden on them. Okay, maybe that sounds a bit too morbid, but in some instances it does ring true.

To end off on a good note, I will positively announce that I will be joining the likes of new age Hollywood Mom’s in their 40’s in the far off future and sadly envisage that while I am changing nappies and reading bedtime stories, my friends are going on luxury cruises across the Caribbean.

“Sob”

Hon, I think my Biological Clock has started the Tick Tock