I cannot begin to explain how well fucked off I am of late and no it’s not premenstrual, maybe bipolar behaviour who knows. I have pondered the fact of perhaps diagnosing myself with being bipolar, seeing my moods are ever so erratic and from one extreme to the next, it’s crazy.

But what conclusion I would rather entertain is that the whole planet has the pendulum swing of delusional moods and emotions; and it just seems to be rubbing off on everyone else. People are beginning to irritate me to beyond and beyond.

Decided to have my hair done last week Thursday just down the road from where I work. I had only been there once before and the job of having my hair blow dried seemed good enough to endure another visit. Having arrived there, I decided I would give myself the treat of also having a trim this time around.

The same hairdresser seated me in the chair and started chopping, however she just seemed so uncomfortable, the impression I got was that she did not cut hair that often. Ignoring my hunches, I let her continue the job. Once she had finished blow drying my hair, I noticed it didn’t look as good as the last time I came around. Needless to say, I paid the money and left, R270! for a trim and blow dry!! Daylight robbery if you ask me.

Then, this Saturday while blow drying my own hair, I had a Huge Bitch Fit, I noticed that every single strand of my hair was uneven and that my once evened out layers were now choppy and misplaced. I freaked out that my cats scattered out the bedroom as if a bomb had dropped. Now that called for a “Catastrophe” (no pun intended). Grabbed my cell and phoned the salon:

Me: Hi, I would like to speak to the owner/manager of the salon please

*Dopey: Yes, may I ask what this is in connection with?

Me: Certainly, I came through two days ago for a trim by one of your hairdressers and have noticed while blow drying my own hair today that my hair is completely fucked up. She has done a terrible job, that I now have to go somewhere else to get it fixed. I am most upset about this.

*Dopey: Well, what was the name of the hairdresser that you came to see

Me: *Dopey

*Dopey: Oh (long pause) who am I speaking to? Oh well _________ it is *Dopey speaking, I am terribly sorry, would you like to come in and have me fix it for you?

Me: Hell No! you messed my hair up, what makes me think you not going to mess it up even more, no, what I would like is my money back , of which I might add was ridiculously priced, R270! for a trim and blow dry and my hair is not even that long. I want my money back please.

*Dopey: I am so ever terribly sorry, I will get the manager to phone you back.

Me: Thank you.

Ring Ring

I answer cell, manager of salon is talking to me asking me to come round to show the botched up job of one of the hairdressers. I agree I will come round before they close and before my appointment with my original hairdresser down the road from my house.

On arriving there, I now have to wait for the manager as she is still busy with someone. Not impressed. Eventually, she attends to me. Has me seated and I begin to show her the choppy hairstyle and uneven pieces. She agrees and then asks me to take a seat by one of the basins. Okay? Now I’m really confused??? I say no thanks, she then proceeds to tell me that she would like to fix my hair up for me. So I kindly tell her that I have already made an appointment with my original hairdresser and would like to keep it that way.

Manager: So how do you suggest we rectify this matter (sarcastic tone)

Me: By giving me my money back!

Now she goes onto say that it is against ethics and not her policy of allowing me to go to another hairdresser to fix up the mistake

Me: What the fuck! I have every right to make the decision of where I would like to go, especially after having a bad experience at your salon, I do not feel comfortable coming here again.

Manager: it was your choice in coming here in the first place, so it is partly your fault

Me: WtF! are you crazy woman? basically what u are telling me is that I made the mistake of coming here in the first place, so basically what u’re admitting to is that your salon is Crap and a huge mistake, nice one. Look I don’t have time for this shit, either give me my money back or be prepared to get fucking scissor stabbed.

Manager: Fine, I will give you your money back.

Thank you fucking very much BIAAAAATCH!

PS: She also compared My Hair to Food at A Restaurant, saying that when someone does not like their food, they send it back and then get a free meal.

Whatever, I then proceeded to tell her firstly, we are not talking about food, but my HAIR, MY HAIR! and secondly if I don’t like the food at a restaurant I send it back and never return, as we all very well know what they do to your food in the back. Dumbo!

PSS: The hair is sorted now thanks to my Original Hairdresser ( I promise I will never stray again)

D Day reluctantly arrived for me yesterday. Had to be in Pretoria at 11am for my re-test (drivers). To fill urself in, read article: ‘Precious Time and Money Wasted‘ As you can well imagine, I was so not in the mood to go through all of this again. I would rather watch paint dry or go for tooth surgery.

We arrive at the Pretoria Testing Station in Watloo (for some strange reason I have the old song Waterloo running through my head now), only to realise I am at the wrong place! I am meant to be at the Pretoria College, as this is the place where are the appeals are forwarded. So now, trap all the way to the other side of the world to endure painstaking torture.

Finally arrive at my final destination (now I am thinking of the horror flick and realising that this is equivalent to one) Ring the bell at Reception desk and some grumpy african woman (TPA) they call themselves hardly even looking at me takes me for my test.

I start chatting to her trying to break the ice and at least crack a smile from moody blues, only to be completely snubbed!! She was completely and utterly unresponsive and downright rude. I will not let this bitch put me off I tell myself. I think they actually do it on purpose, to intimidate so it’s easy to fuck up and fail.

As I start approaching the car I have visions of getting in,turning the ignition on and mowing the bitch down. Now wouldn’t that be a sight. Okay, back to reality, get my bearings and decide that the best way to mow this bitch down is to be as calm as can be and DO THIS!

So I DO IT! I manage to finally get on the road, obey all my traffic road signs, do all the 5 point checks, give an outstanding emergency stop, that she lifted from her seat. Anway back to the grounds, I then ask her if I passed or not.

Mumbling to me, she tells me that she cannot disclose this to me as yet, reason being that a report has to be sent through as all appeals are handled this way. Policy, procedure, call it fucken what you want, I think it’s absurd. I mean, how the fuck do I know where I went wrong if it so happens she decided to fail me. It all just seems very weird to me. But it’s policy, new South Africa. Fucken grates my liver.

So now I wait.

Something I will never seem to comprehend, is why men avoid going to doctors like a hobo avoids gargling with Listerine. It baffles me to no doubt, their leg or arm could be falling off, there could be a tumour the size of the Kimberly Hole, but no, they rather complain about it than actually take necessary action.

Perhaps they enjoy the pain, makes them feel more manly. So are most men into sado-masochism, maybe we woman need to get a paddler and spank the living daylights out of them. We woman have to endure child birth, which is known to be, by far the most excruciating pain experienced. We have to endure menstrual pain every month and still have a smile on our faces. (Okay now im talking sewer water) But nevertheless, we maintain and we visit our doctors when the need arises.

Men shut your pie holes and go see to that Tumour the size of Kimberly! Sort or come short. ‘Nuff said from my piehole.

I don’t know whether blame should be placed on hormones or if it’s just that some are born with the ‘Joan Collins’ Silver Spoon of Bitchiness. Those pretentious false boobed bitches who think their farts don’t stink and that anyone not wearing Guess or any other label are just beneath them.

Headed off to Capellos yesterday late afternoon for a few sundowners with my cuz. We were happily chatting and guzzling our strawberry daquiris at the bar when some blonde bitch bit on the plumpish side pushes my cousin into oblivion. Barely gaining her balance, my cousin angrily retorts by saying ‘Do you Mind!’ With this “Fat Actress” replies, “Do you have a Problem?”

Cousin: “Hell yes! you just pushed me that I fell almost into the next guy”.

Fat Actress: “Well I need to order a Drink!”

Cousin: “Well then say excuse me, i’d like to get a drink please!”

Fat Actress: mumbles something under her breath

Cousin: “Maybe u need to lose some weight and then u could easily get passed people.”

Fat Actress: “U Can’t Change Ur Face”

Cousin: “Why would I want to” (my cousin is by no means ugly)

Then the defamatory comments subside somewhat, we order more drinks and continue talking. I then loudily mention why cant people just have manners and not be so highly strung.

To This ‘Miss Piggy” again opens her big FAT mouth to say she’s a psychologist and do we need her card

Me: LOL If u r a psychologist, I feel extremely sorry for your patients, because clearly you are the one who has serious issues.

Fat Actress: To my cousin, you need collagen on ur lips

Cousin: “u Need Lipo”

Next thing I know both my cousin and I are standing drenched in red wine, dripping off our faces, The unstable fat beeeach threw wine in our faces. Classic movie scene, cousin burns her with cigarette and her hair somewhat catches alight. Being centre stage with everyone watching, we began laughing hysterically from the mere sight of eachother. Our red stained faces and hair, but eventhough it was a tad embarrassing, we showed everyone what good sports we were while the insecure beeeach went down in flames, literally. Okay, her hair sizzled in a flame.

Needless to say we carried on partying and enjoyed ourselves to no end, smelling like a brewery no doubt. while the bad mannered instigator went home with singed hair and a singed ego. Did she deserve the blatant truth being thrown her way, hell yes! In fact I think it’s the best therapy she will ever get to maybe lose a few pounds.

Current Mood: Angry

I am sure that there must be many disgruntled and p,,,,off fellow South Africans who like me have gone through something like this.  On Friday, 10 March 2006, I had my Drivers Test in Edenvale.  After a waiting period of three months, effort, time and money that was put into all those months before my test, to ensure I would pass, I was met by the wrath of Mr Personality and Mr Friendly himself: e Jerry.

 I had begun my test wonderfully, with no points deducted.  I had remembered all my checks, clutch control etc.  I then preceded to the incline and got my car ready, with the road wet from the rain, my wheels spun a bit.  I did not roll and cause any danger to anyone.  To my shock and disbelief, this Test Official discontinued my test immediately, saying that it was an instant fail!

 However, little did he know, who he was dealing with.  Upset by this, I managed to get hold of a copy of the Government Gazette off the internet.  In Black and White, it there stipulates that by no means is an applicant to be failed for such an act.  He was supposed to mark me down, not fail me.  It says, should the vehicle roll, a circle shall be drawn around the black block “Roll” and the test shall be discontinued.  It then says, during moving off, the applicant shall not cause the wheels of the vehicle to spin.  Should the applicant do so he/she shall be penalised for:

 My question is then why did this man choose to fail me?  In my opinion I think they certainly do take chances, thinking that we will complacently accept this unjust kind of behaviour.  Fellow Citizens, do yourself a favour and get clued up on all the information that is available to you, know your rights.  Do not allow these unqualified people to take advantage of you anymore!  We spend so much of our money and time with all this corruption and nonsense.  And what really grates my liver, is the fact that people who really cannot drive and cause a danger to us on the roads, seem to get away with almost anything!

 I have taken this matter up with the Minister of Transport Mr J.T. Radebe, as he is the one who wrote and approved the Government Gazette.  I am now awaiting an appeal to re-do my test in the appropriate manner.  This is still an inconvenience and both my money and time was wasted due to this Test Official’s bad attitude and behaviour.

 

Know Your Rights!